Why I Stopped Writing for Four Years

My dear friends,


I know it has been forever since I have written a blog post. To give you the condensed version, with caring for my mom and then her subsequent passing, I needed ample time to recover and adjust. She was so dear to me, and I was blessed to be able to have her close to us during her final six years. Her loss was devastating, even though I am well aware that this is the normal cycle of life. She enjoyed a reasonably healthy 90 years, and I firmly believe that she is looking down from Heaven. I know she and Dad have enjoyed their reunion in the sky.


Time has been essential in coping and healing. Travel has been beneficial. Family has been a blessing. So, finally I feel as though I can finish what may very well be my last book, Never Say Hopeless.


In September of this year, I loved going to my 50^th high school class reunion in Southern California, where I had the privilege of hanging out with dear old friends and spending time in the town where I grew up. That week brought back so many fond memories, but it was shocking to see how the area has grown over the years and how crazy the traffic has become. Mom and Dad would be so surprised to see our small town of Hesperia, California now.


The adventure continued with a twenty-day cruise leaving the port of Los Angeles on the Ruby Princess and taking us to some of the most beautiful places in the world. With four days at sea while we sailed to Honolulu and another five days at sea to travel to Tahiti, I actually felt relaxed enough to tackle editing the Never Say Hopeless manuscript. Since I had not laid eyes on it in probably about four years, I started at the beginning and made a multitude of changes. At least it is once again a work-in-progress instead of sitting on my desk untouched!

I wish everyone blessed Thanksgiving and Christmas seasons for 2019 and assure you that this book will become a reality in 2020, barring any unforeseen circumstances.


A very special thank you to those who perpetually ask when this book will be released. You give me the encouragement that I truly need in order to finalize this project.

All the very best,

Mary Anne Benedetto

                                                  https://www.awriterspresence.com

Your Story Matters-Segment 9

Your Story Matters!

Memoir Writing Instructor Answers Your Questions

Every life is made up of stories—some are deliriously happy tales, others are devastatingly sad, and our life experiences represent every imaginable kind of emotion in between. We all have family history and life stories, and the sad truth is that if we don’t preserve them, they are permanently gone. There is no rewind. There is no going back to capture them.

Question 9.  There is one period in my past that is so difficult to think about. I lost my dad to cancer and my husband to heart disease within six months. It was the darkest time of my life. I am not sure how to write about it or if I am even able to revisit that deep, dark cavern of memories. Any advice for this situation? 

Answer 9. I am so sorry for your loss. When my dad passed away, I experienced sadness like I had never known. It did not dissipate quickly, so I can only imagine how it was for you to lose two close loved ones in such a short period of time. 

It is a fact of life, however, that sad and tragic events over which we have no control will take place as we travel through this journey. We typically lose friends and family and must deal with the grief associated with that loss. It is the normal cycle of life, though at the time it occurs, it seems anything but normal. 

When an elderly loved one passes, we can usually console ourselves with the fact that they lived a long life. When someone we love who was younger passes, we cannot help but feel that they were taken too soon. Then we remember that it is not up to us. When someone’s time on earth is over is not our decision. It is simply what happened, and we are left to cope with the results. 

Sadly, when such events take place in rapid succession, there is no time to recover before once again facing the mourning process and the intense and present feeling that we may never want to laugh again. Yours was a double whammy, so it is certainly understandable that you were shaken to the core. 

These events are a part of your history, and family members and loved ones may better understand you if they read your story and your feelings about that time of your life. They will have a clearer picture of who you are and where you have been.  

Reflecting on a difficult time in your life may not be at the top of your list of pleasant and desirable activities, but those painful experiences made a definite impact on you. Below is a list of suggestions on how to tackle this situation in your writing. You may find it easier to take it slowly and deal with only one item each time you write. Or perhaps there may be times when your writing is flowing so fruitfully, you continue working through the list. I hope that these ideas are helpful and enable you to share your feelings about this grim period. 

1-Write about pre-illness distinctive characteristics and specific incidents that represent who your loved one was, how he lived his life, what made him special to you and others.  

2-Think about when your loved one first became ill. Write about the initial symptoms, the doctor visits, what type of treatment plan was recommended/selected. How did he react/cope with his diagnosis and subsequent journey? 

3-Were there any humorous incidents that happened during this time? (I realize this sounds almost inappropriate, but if you can think of any, it would be great to share them.) 

4-What was the impact on you and other family members? 

5-Was there an opportunity to share the important conversations with your loved one that you desired? If not, you may choose to write what you wish you could have said or asked him. 

6-Write about the day your loved one passed. Share your feelings as well as the facts. 

7-Write about his funeral service/memorial service and anything significant to you about that day. 

8-What do you miss most about this dear one? 

9-How has your life changed since that difficult time? 

10-If you could advise others who are going through a similar situation, what suggestions can you offer them for coping and moving forward? 

Review what you have written. Consider any other beneficial aspects of the story that you may wish to add. 

Writing about this time in your life could ultimately serve as an emotionally cleansing experience. You may find that returning to that time and digesting your feelings could give you a different perspective, offering you clarity and the opportunity to decide exactly which specifics in these thoughts and stories will make the final cut of your memoir project.

Wishing you the best in your writing journey. Your stories are a priceless legacy!

Mary Anne Benedetto is the owner of A Writer’s Presence, LLC, a writer, speaker, blogger, Certified Lifewriting Instructor, and an affiliate teacher with the The Memoir Network.  Author of 7 Easy Steps to Memoir Writing: Build a Priceless Legacy One Story at a Time!, she offers beneficial tips, hints and critical steps in memoir writing in order to remove the “overwhelmed” factor in memoir projects.

Visit Mary Anne at http://www.awriterspresence.com, 

http://www.maryannebenedetto.blogspot.com,
E-mail: maryabenedetto@gmail.com
Follow Mary Anne:
http://twitter.com/marybenedetto

http://www.facebook.com/mabenedetto

http://www.linkedin.com/in/maryannebenedetto

http://www.pinterest.com/maryabenedetto/

Your Story Matters-Segment 7

 

Your Story Matters!

Memoir Writing Instructor Answers Your Questions

Every life is made up of stories—some are deliriously happy tales, others are devastatingly sad, and our life experiences represent every imaginable kind of emotion in between. We all have family history and  life stories, and the sad truth is that if we do not preserve them, they are permanently gone. There is no rewind. There is no going back to capture them.

Q7. I would love to write my memoirs, but I have no time in my schedule. How do I squeeze in writing time?

A7. I have two tips that should be extremely helpful to you.

Tip #1-Commit to the project with a positive attitude! Rather than dwelling on excuses as to why you CANNOT, concentrate on determination that you CAN. Don’t give into procrastination syndrome. Focus on providing a priceless written legacy that only you can produce. I always emphasize that it is important not only to write facts and dates, but also your feelings about those events. Your feelings are the HEART of the stories, and the heart is what makes your memoirs more relatable to the reader. No one else can convey your personal perspective except you. It is entirely up to you to be certain that your family history and significant stories are not forever lost. You need to make a firm commitment to move forward. Remember that your completed memoir project may just serve as inspiration to other descendents to continue the tradition of recording your family’s stories.

Tip #2-Once firmly committed, make a realistic evaluation of your schedule. Are there particular days of the week when you have fewer pressing obligations? Take a look at your calendar. We schedule all important appointments, right? Schedule your writing time. If Tuesday is a quiet day on the calendar, schedule it as your writing day. If you tell yourself, “I’ll write when I have time,” it may never happen. That old procrastination syndrome will surely overtake your good intentions.

If you operate well with a specific goal, give yourself one. It could be a target of one story per week, or perhaps a specific word count or number of pages per week. It could be “x” number of stories written within a six month period. Whatever works for your schedule is a good goal. Remember that if you write a 3 to 5 page story of a different memory each week, you will have a 150 to 200 page book at the end of one year.

In one of my workshops, a lady in attendance inquired, “What if I schedule my writing time, and when it comes to that particular day I don’t feel inspired to write?” It certainly is a legitimate question. Perhaps for memoir writing, reviewing old photos, diaries or journals when the inspiration factor is elusive will bring the writer into the desired zone of focus and motivation. There are no guarantees or easy fixes, however. We will elaborate further on this topic of beneficial memoir writing tools in a future blog post.

Location can also be a factor. Personally, I have to write in a quiet place where I am uninterrupted by telephones, the temptation to check email, Facebook or Twitter, or my dear husband asking me where some item is located or wanting me to see something he is watching on television.

I have two favorite writing places:

1-There is a church in our town that has a rear parking area which overlooks a scenic, marsh-covered inlet. It is a peaceful spot, and the only potential interruptions are when my attention is snagged by a passing boat, kayaker, paddle boarder or pelican. In the summertime, I can bring a chair and sit in the small lawn area provided. In the wintertime, I simply sit in my car to read or write. The view is spectacular, and the solitude invites creativity.

2-I am fortunate enough to live no more than ten minutes from an amazing South Carolina beach. I lather up with sun screen, sit in my beach chair, gaze out at the rolling waves, and the words begin to flow from my pen to the paper. If I am attempting to do some serious writing, I bring my beach chair far away from the busy entrance area and set up in a more remote location. It makes me feel as though I am relaxing on my own private island. If I am just brainstorming, I enjoy sitting where there are multitudes of people to watch and love to jot down characteristics or perhaps even bits of conversation that I can add to my list of interesting observations that could potentially end up in a book.

You may need to experiment to find your favorite writing places. So find a location for writing where you will be uninterrupted, comfortable and inspired.  Set your writing goals. Then you are ready to dive in!

 

Your stories are a priceless legacy!

Mary Anne Benedetto is the owner of A Writer’s Presence, LLC, a writer, speaker, blogger, Certified Lifewriting Instructor, and an affiliate teacher with the The Memoir Network.  Author of  7 Easy Steps to Memoir Writing: Build a Priceless Legacy One Story at a Time!, she offers beneficial tips, hints and critical steps in memoir writing in order to remove the “overwhelmed” factor in memoir projects. 

 

Visit Mary Anne at http://www.awriterspresence.com, http://www.maryannebenedetto.blogspot.com,

E-mail: maryabenedetto@gmail.com

Follow Mary Anne:

http://twitter.com/marybenedetto

http://www.facebook.com/mabenedetto

http://www.linkedin.com/in/maryannebenedetto

http://www.pinterest.com/maryabenedetto/