Clara's Legacy

I cannot believe that I have not posted since August. It has been a wild and crazy time in my life with Mom’s health declining and the necessity of moving her to Assisted Living. The good news is that she has adjusted well, says she loves living there, and I have the peace of mind that she is where she has caring, 24/7 help if needed.

As Mom celebrates her 90^th birthday this month, I wanted to take time to reflect on some special attributes of this amazing woman.

Just a few things that quickly enter my mind are her:

·        Tenacity in leaving a summer job in New York City to return to North Carolina and marry my dad. She was madly in love with him, and nothing could stop her.

·        Insistence that her children use proper English and not say words such as “ain’t.” I appreciate that about her. She emphasized the importance of being the best you can be and making a good impression.

·        Demeanor as a true southern lady—always kind, gracious and as sweet as a tall glass of sugary iced tea.

·        Adventurous spirit in packing up and moving West when Dad was in search of the perfect place to live. Originally destined for Arizona, there were multiple moves in southern California that summer and again in the fall before finally settling in Hesperia, California. I believe that she would have moved to Tasmania if she thought it would make Dad happy.

·        Many years as Dad’s business partner, right hand person and confidant. They were a dedicated, successful entrepreneurial team.

·        Talent for organization, anticipation and details that served her well in her professional, as well as her personal life.

·        Inherent ability to run the show while making Dad feel as though he was in charge

·        Strength and courage to handle everything after Dad passed away following over fifty years of marriage

·        Downsizing on her own in her late seventies to a two-bedroom apartment from two houses and garages filled with mountains of possessions collected over the years, along with Dad’s mechanical equipment and items that had belonged to her parents and her aunt.

·        Encouragement and excitement every time I published a new book.

·        Spiritual beliefs and faith that she passed along to her children to be sure that we would never face the difficulties of life alone.

Happy birthday, Mom. You deserve the very best!

Mary Anne Benedetto is the owner of A Writer’s Presence, LLC, a writer, speaker, blogger, Certified Lifewriting Instructor, and an affiliate teacher with the The Memoir Network.  Author of 7 Easy Steps to Memoir Writing: Build a Priceless Legacy One Story at a Time!, she offers beneficial tips, hints and critical steps in memoir writing in order to remove the “overwhelmed” factor in memoir projects.

Visit Mary Anne at http://www.awriterspresence.com, http://www.maryannebenedetto.blogspot.com

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Your Story Matters-Segment 9

Your Story Matters!

Memoir Writing Instructor Answers Your Questions

Every life is made up of stories—some are deliriously happy tales, others are devastatingly sad, and our life experiences represent every imaginable kind of emotion in between. We all have family history and life stories, and the sad truth is that if we don’t preserve them, they are permanently gone. There is no rewind. There is no going back to capture them.

Question 9.  There is one period in my past that is so difficult to think about. I lost my dad to cancer and my husband to heart disease within six months. It was the darkest time of my life. I am not sure how to write about it or if I am even able to revisit that deep, dark cavern of memories. Any advice for this situation? 

Answer 9. I am so sorry for your loss. When my dad passed away, I experienced sadness like I had never known. It did not dissipate quickly, so I can only imagine how it was for you to lose two close loved ones in such a short period of time. 

It is a fact of life, however, that sad and tragic events over which we have no control will take place as we travel through this journey. We typically lose friends and family and must deal with the grief associated with that loss. It is the normal cycle of life, though at the time it occurs, it seems anything but normal. 

When an elderly loved one passes, we can usually console ourselves with the fact that they lived a long life. When someone we love who was younger passes, we cannot help but feel that they were taken too soon. Then we remember that it is not up to us. When someone’s time on earth is over is not our decision. It is simply what happened, and we are left to cope with the results. 

Sadly, when such events take place in rapid succession, there is no time to recover before once again facing the mourning process and the intense and present feeling that we may never want to laugh again. Yours was a double whammy, so it is certainly understandable that you were shaken to the core. 

These events are a part of your history, and family members and loved ones may better understand you if they read your story and your feelings about that time of your life. They will have a clearer picture of who you are and where you have been.  

Reflecting on a difficult time in your life may not be at the top of your list of pleasant and desirable activities, but those painful experiences made a definite impact on you. Below is a list of suggestions on how to tackle this situation in your writing. You may find it easier to take it slowly and deal with only one item each time you write. Or perhaps there may be times when your writing is flowing so fruitfully, you continue working through the list. I hope that these ideas are helpful and enable you to share your feelings about this grim period. 

1-Write about pre-illness distinctive characteristics and specific incidents that represent who your loved one was, how he lived his life, what made him special to you and others.  

2-Think about when your loved one first became ill. Write about the initial symptoms, the doctor visits, what type of treatment plan was recommended/selected. How did he react/cope with his diagnosis and subsequent journey? 

3-Were there any humorous incidents that happened during this time? (I realize this sounds almost inappropriate, but if you can think of any, it would be great to share them.) 

4-What was the impact on you and other family members? 

5-Was there an opportunity to share the important conversations with your loved one that you desired? If not, you may choose to write what you wish you could have said or asked him. 

6-Write about the day your loved one passed. Share your feelings as well as the facts. 

7-Write about his funeral service/memorial service and anything significant to you about that day. 

8-What do you miss most about this dear one? 

9-How has your life changed since that difficult time? 

10-If you could advise others who are going through a similar situation, what suggestions can you offer them for coping and moving forward? 

Review what you have written. Consider any other beneficial aspects of the story that you may wish to add. 

Writing about this time in your life could ultimately serve as an emotionally cleansing experience. You may find that returning to that time and digesting your feelings could give you a different perspective, offering you clarity and the opportunity to decide exactly which specifics in these thoughts and stories will make the final cut of your memoir project.

Wishing you the best in your writing journey. Your stories are a priceless legacy!

Mary Anne Benedetto is the owner of A Writer’s Presence, LLC, a writer, speaker, blogger, Certified Lifewriting Instructor, and an affiliate teacher with the The Memoir Network.  Author of 7 Easy Steps to Memoir Writing: Build a Priceless Legacy One Story at a Time!, she offers beneficial tips, hints and critical steps in memoir writing in order to remove the “overwhelmed” factor in memoir projects.

Visit Mary Anne at http://www.awriterspresence.com, 

http://www.maryannebenedetto.blogspot.com,
E-mail: maryabenedetto@gmail.com
Follow Mary Anne:
http://twitter.com/marybenedetto

http://www.facebook.com/mabenedetto

http://www.linkedin.com/in/maryannebenedetto

http://www.pinterest.com/maryabenedetto/

Mini-Memoir Starts the Conversation

As senior citizens (wow, do I hate to admit that!) we can easily become set in our stubborn ways, and flexibility can be challenging for us. I don’t mean being able to slowly and gracefully bend down and touch your toes—but more like adaptability. In a life of ever-changing circumstances, we need to find new ways to adapt and conquer!

The Mini-Memoir© was born from my desire to accomplish a potentially difficult task. I was scheduled to speak at a senior center, and the director advised me in advance that several of their seniors were in various stages of dementia and might not even absorb the message that I would be hoping to convey. How could I adapt?

I thought about the sadness of the situation and pondered how I might be able to develop a one page fill-in-the-blank sheet that could be beneficial to anyone for generating some memories. Voila!  With the Mini-Memoir© copies in hand, I was able to march confidently into the senior center and explain  the importance of preserving our stories for future generations and assist those who needed help in completing the forms. Compiling all finished sheets into a file on my computer, I produced a booklet that each senior could take home and show their family members. Not only were they able to share some of their thoughts about their own lives with loved ones, but an added bonus was that now the seniors knew more about each other and discovered a variety of common experiences. It was a win/win!

The Mini-Memoir© is my gift to individuals and families to be able to learn more about each other. While it doesn’t take the place of a full blown memoir project, it is a beginning and provides a glimpse into a loved one’s life. It facilitates pausing to recall some favorite aspects of our journeys, allows  opportunity to share some words of wisdom with future generations and gives family members a basis for discussion. It could be beneficial for holiday gatherings, family reunions, clubs or church groups, assisted living residences, hospice facilities—actually, the possibilities are endless!

Copies are available for printing without charge as a full page sheet from my Web site, www.awriterspresence.com. I hope that you’ll share it, use it to its fullest potential, and please let me know if it produces a desired result for you. I love to hear stories of how this innovative tool works to bring families or groups closer together!

MINI-MEMOIR

Name_________________________________________________       Age _____________       Date_____________

Location where you spent your childhood

Location where you have lived the longest   

Favorite city and state where you have lived

Favorite place that you have ever visited

Favorite song     

Favorite book     

Favorite movie   

Favorite television show   

Favorite sport that you have ever played

Favorite sport that you have liked to watch

Favorite activity from the past 

Favorite activity now

Favorite memory 

Happiest moment from the past  

What gives you the greatest joy today?

What was your funniest experience? 

Describe your most spiritual moment?

What words of wisdom would you like to share with future generations?  

Mary Anne Benedetto, Certified Lifewriting Instructor, A Writer’s Presence, LLC    www.awriterspresence.com     

Writing Blog:      www.maryannebenedetto.blogspot.com    

    Book blog: www.abookfeast4u.blogspot.com       Travel blog: www.4womenwholove2travel.blogspot.com            

E-mail: mbenedetto@sccoast.net

(843) 215-4676 or (518) 441-8107         Helping People Write the Times of Their Lives       Mary Anne Benedetto, Author of Eyelash, Never Say Perfect,  7 Easy Steps to Memoir Writing: Build a Priceless Legacy One Story at a Time!,      From Italy with Love & Limoncello,  and Write Your Pet’s Life Story in 7 Easy Steps!

See you again very soon. Keep writing and capturing those family stories!!

Mary Anne