What Have You Left Behind?

In working through a memoir writing project, it can be beneficial to consider a time in your life when it was necessary to leave something behind. Circumstances dictated that ties would be severed with either an object, a person, a place, a particular group or activity--perhaps with an entire way of life.

In my own experience, I can recall several occurrences that fit this theme, but my first recollection of leaving something behind brings me to age nine--June, 1961. My fourth grade school year had been filled with birthday parties, good grades, delighted parents, a supportive church family and a group of girlfriends with whom a special bond had formed.

This final day of the school year at Hudson Elementary School in North Carolina was particularly significant because my life, as I had known it, was forever changing. On that sunny day in June, I was armed with my boxy, black Brownie camera, enthusiastically taking photos of my best friends Debra Craig, Kathy Kincaid, and my cousin Ann Jackson. I wanted to be able to remember them just the way they were.

Mom, my sister Pat and I packed our remaining clothing into suitcases and in two days would be setting out on a long distance adventure. We were moving to Arizona from North Carolina, and Dad was already there working and settling our newly rented home, anxiously awaiting our arrival by train into the Flagstaff railroad station.

Although I was nine years old, one of my prized possessions was a curly-haired, brunette, toddler-sized doll named Connie. Her height equaled about half of my skinny little frame, so transporting her from one location to another could present special challenges. In spite of the logistical difficulties, I stubbornly refused to allow Connie to be packed into the U-Haul trailer that Dad drove across the country. I simply couldn’t part with her for the two month period that we would be separated.           

 

With every intention of taking Connie with me on the long train ride, I struggled to carry her along with other belongings as we walked through the train station on our departure day. Mom was envisioning the difficulties that Connie would present during this trip that would take us all the way to Chicago, where we would change trains and board the sleek, modern Super Chief to transport us to Arizona. Where would Connie sit? She was large enough to take up a seat of her own, and Mom wasn’t about to pay for Connie to occupy a passenger seat.

My Aunt Judy and younger cousin, Debbie, were there to bid us farewell, and Mom gently approached me with a suggestion. “Honey,” she began. “Why don’t we give Connie a new home with Debbie and Aunt Judy? You know they will take very good care of her.”

I frowned, firmly pursed my lips, and gave Connie a loving glance. Somehow, even at the tender age of nine, I knew that Mom was right. After lugging this toddler doll all over the train station, I was well aware that dragging her across the country was going to be a daunting task.

“I’ll give her to Debbie,” I reluctantly conceded. The look on Mom’s face was total relief.

Perhaps somewhere deep inside, I realized that I was reaching an age where being attached to toddler dolls was for younger girls and it was time to pursue other, more mature interests. That was the day I began to write in my red, locking, five year diary. It was the day I said goodbye to my former life and friends, left Connie behind (albeit in good hands) and discovered that it was actually fun and entertaining to write about life.

As you write your own "Left Behind" memory, take time to consider:

 

What is the background story?

What did you leave behind?

What were you feeling?

What was the ultimate impact?

Wishing you the best with your memoir project,

Mary Anne Benedetto

Author of Eyelash, 7 Easy Steps to Memoir Writing: Build a Priceless Legacy One Story at a Time!, Never Say Perfect, From Italy with Love & Limoncello and Write Your Pet's Life Story in 7 Easy Steps!

Visit http://www.awriterspresence.com

 

Where Have I Been All My Life?

A question frequently asked by memoir writing students is: Do I tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth?

There are various theories on this topic, all of which are interesting material for another blog post. Some experts advise caution, while others believe that if you do not remove the mask and reveal every asset as well as flaw, why tell the story?

Where Have I Been All My Life? is a candid memoir by Cheryl Rice that sets sail on a voyage through the churning seas that have perpetuated tremendous emotional distress in the author’s life.

The book begins with her childhood apprehension at being whisked away to summer camp and describes the intense separation anxiety from her mother that accompanied what should have been an adventurous and exhilarating experience.

She also reveals herself clinging to her mother’s pant leg as they entered her kindergarten classroom and her inability to let go, relax and play with the other children. The absence of her mother in the classroom, as well as at summer camp, left her feeling incredibly sorrowful and unsociable.

Fast forward many years to witness a Cheryl Rice whose mother is dying at the young age of sixty-seven. Cheryl walks us through the journey of attempting to cope with her mother’s illness and death and being the daughter who tries to be certain that her grieving father is managing his life without the vibrant woman who was his life and love.

Anyone who has ever lost a parent with whom they shared a loving relationship can relate to the devastation that Rice was enduring. The heart feels as though a vital chunk of it is missing and empty. I have been there, experiencing a sadness that I had never imagined when my own father passed away. Fortunately, I soon discovered that time is truly a healer, and the despair was eventually replaced by the ability to recall bits and pieces of the humorous moments, the very essence of what made Dad a unique character.

The author’s vivid description of losing her mother produced a tight knot that felt like an enormous boulder in my belly. My own mother is eighty-seven and absolutely the most beautiful person--inside and out. The very idea of a daily life without our morning and evening telephone conversations, shopping, Sunday church and brunch, as well as our holidays together, is almost inconceivable to me.

Cheryl Rice helps us realize that while friends and family certainly sympathize with our losses, they cannot possibly know the depth of our individual levels of pain. The anguish may cause us to withdraw or perhaps act and think irrationally. After all, who can ever be the same with that solid chunk of heart excised?

The author shares her reality--the good, the bad and even the outrageous. She gives us hope that grief is a temporary condition and that cell by cell, the heart miraculously mends.

Cheryl Rice

Biography

Cheryl Rice is a professional speaker and coach. Her company, Your Voice Your Vision, partners with women striving to be leaders in their own lives. When Cheryl decided to take the advice she so passionately offers her clients, she emerged with a memoir. Her essays have appeared in The Philadelphia Inquirer, Cactus Heart, and Cure Magazine. Cheryl has M.S. degrees in both Psychological Services and Organization Development and lives with her family outside of Philadelphia. Find Cheryl Rice online at http://www.YourVoiceYourVision.com. 

So, consider whether or not you would tell all in your own memoir! Would you be willing to lift the veil on your innermost thoughts and actions? Would you expose yourself to potential self-righteous judgment by others? Hmmm...something to contemplate.

I will be returning soon with more information on writing, books and authors.

God bless,

Mary Anne Benedetto

 

Author of Eyelash, 7 Easy Steps to Memoir Writing: Build a Priceless Legacy One Story at a Time!, Never Say Perfect, From Italy with Love & Limoncello and Write Your Pet's Life Story in 7 Easy Steps!

Visit http://www.awriterspresence.com