YOUR STORY MATTERS!
Memoir Writing Instructor Answers Your
Questions
Post #3 in Series
Every
life is made up of stories—some are deliriously happy tales, others are
devastatingly sad, and our life experiences represent every imaginable kind of
emotion in between. We all have
family history and life stories, and the sad truth is that if we don’t
preserve them, they are permanently gone. There is no rewind. There is no going
back to capture them.
Follow
this series of Questions & Answers over the next few months! Learn more
about memoir writing, pick up your pen or grab your keyboard, and produce a
written legacy for loved ones. Participate by emailing your memoir writing
questions to info@awriterspresence.com.
Question #3:
Q3. I want to interview my elderly parents in order to include their stories
in my memoir project and then continue on with my own. Do you have any tips for
asking them questions and triggering their memories?
A3. What a great question!! And
how fortunate you are to have living parents who can tell you their stories and
give you insight into their life experiences. Interviewing them will provide
information that you have likely never before heard and would never have known
had you not taken the time to work on this project.
A few relevant tips are:
1-See if documents already exist-Ask
your parents if anyone in the family has ever written any bits and pieces of
family history. If you are able to get your hands on a copy, you will be ahead
of the game! Fortunately, in 1983, my Aunt Ruth on my father’s side took the
time to write a document by using an old manual typewriter. Although only a few
pages in length, it sheds light on information about my grandparents and
great-grand parents, what times were like when she was growing up, and she
expresses how she wished someone of the older generation had provided dates and
events that took place in their day. She said it would have meant a lot to her.
So find out if anyone in your family has ever taken the time to do this. It
would truly be a treasure.
2-Plan carefully-I discovered in interviewing
my own mother that I had to catch her at the right time for interview sessions.
If she was tired or hungry, it was simply not going to work. Late mornings and
early afternoons proved to be the optimal times for her to recall and have
stamina to continue our work. By evenings after dinnertime, it was difficult
for her to focus and remember. Now perhaps this was specific to her, but you
can experiment with the best times for your loved one to enjoy the process. We
scheduled sessions of approximately one hour each, unless Mom was on a roll and
felt like continuing past our allotted time.
3-List your questions for each session-If
you are not sure which topics will trigger pertinent memories, there are over
140 questions listed in the back of 7 Easy
Steps to Memoir Writing: Build a
Priceless Legacy One Story at a Time! Read through them and choose the
questions that are apropos for your parents. Cover only a few at each session,
and be sure to ask them about anything they wish to add. One story definitely
leads to another, and you might even provide a list of the questions in
advance in order for them to give some thought to their answers and not feel
that you are putting them on the spot.
4-Use a recording device-It is
impossible to write down everything they are saying unless you are skilled at
shorthand! Use a small, inexpensive handheld recorder (check Radio Shack or
Best Buy) to capture their stories and then have the recordings transcribed
into a document. Advise them that you are recording, but place the recorder in
a nearby location that is not intrusive. Otherwise, they may become
apprehensive and tense about relaying their experiences. Words of wisdom:
Occasionally check the device to be certain that it is working, and bring extra
batteries and/or tapes with you. This is a good opportunity to offer them a
beverage or snack.
5-If time is limited or you cannot
interview in person-I have a friend who planned a week’s visit with her
parents to record their stories. She really had to stick with the focus of her
visit and accomplish capturing as many stories as possible during her brief
stay. She chose to video her parents telling their stories, and this is one
fabulous option--unless they are camera shy and clam up! It worked for her,
however, and she obtained a multitude of stories with the added benefit of
actually being able to see them share their memories with her. If you cannot be
present for the interviews, try recording the conversations by telephone. When
I interview clients, I use a special cord/earpiece from Radio Shack to attach
to my telephone. Caution: Be sure that this device is compatible with your
telephone. I have also found that I must record in a location where there is no
wireless activity occurring or you may have a great interview that is muffled
by interference in the form of a low roar on the recording. When I record by
telephone, I work from a telephone extension located in a guest bedroom, far
away from computers, printer, modem, router, etc., and the clarity is excellent.
Integrate
some of these suggestions, and you will find that you are paving the road to
successful interviews!
Motivate them by telling them how important it
is to you to preserve their memories.
Encourage them by spending quality time with
them to elicit their stories.
Move slowly. You cannot rush them. They will not
cooperate if they are feeling pressured.
Initiate memory-generating conversations. Use a
recorder to preserve the dialogue.
Retrieve old family photos, albums or movies to
refresh their memories.
Supply questions in advance. They may need time
for reflection before answering.
Our
stories are a priceless legacy!
Mary Anne Benedetto is the owner of A Writer’s
Presence, LLC, a writer, speaker, blogger, Certified Lifewriting Instructor, and
an affiliate teacher with the The Memoir Network. Author of 7 Easy
Steps to Memoir Writing: Build a Priceless Legacy One Story at a Time!, she
offers beneficial tips, hints and critical steps in memoir writing in order to
remove the “overwhelmed” factor in memoir projects.
E-mail: mbenedetto@sccoast.net
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