I asked her what were the obvious “red flags” that she can recall. How did she realize that her relationships were tanking? She said, “First of all, I think a large part of me is SO trusting, I have a hard time seeing someone doing bad things. Looking back, the red flags I saw with my first three husbands were that they started being gone way more than when we were first together. It was the classic ‘I’m working late’ excuse with all three of them. With number four, it was different because his depression completely enveloped him, and it was impossible to stop that slide into such a dark place. He would always use the words, ‘I love you and I’m sorry,’ and I wanted to believe that everything would be okay. It was not okay, and he was living with so many secrets and lies, his own existence overwhelmed him.”
In Dead Flowers for Hollywood, Amanda Sue Rose’s memoir as told to Mary Anne Benedetto, you will see that Amanda Sue married four times and experienced four huge disasters. Her candid story tells it like it is and does not hold back any thoughts and feelings about the paths she traveled.
I was curious and began asking people this question at dinner parties and on Facebook:
WHAT IS (OR WAS) A BLAZING RED FLAG THAT SHOULD WARN US THAT A RELATIONSHIP IS IN BIG TROUBLE?
- You find that you have absolutely nothing in common
- When there is no trust
- If they are constantly checking their phones for emails at all hours, they are probably on at least one dating site
- Married people who are opposed to combining any part of their finances. If they want every penny kept separate, they do not want a partnership
- Selfishness, self-absorption, disregard for the other person’s feelings--It’s all about me syndrome
- They never accept any responsibility for conflict and always make you feel as if you are at fault
- Anyone who wants to dominate all of your time and limit your other relationships
- Puts you second, even though you put them first. There should be an equal need to make one another happy in the daily small things. Severely lopsided relationships become servitude, and that has been abolished for years.
- You realize that they are continually lying about small, insignificant things. Then they lie about more important things, and they do not even acknowledge when confronted
- You find yourself always apologizing for something they did
- They do something irrational and start a big fight, only to act as if nothing happened five minutes later
- Someone who will not commit
- They are always getting calls from someone of the opposite sex, and they are obviously uncomfortable and practically whispering into the phone. There should not be anything to hide.
- When someone is resentful of, or tries to keep you from practicing your chosen faith
While there must be zillions more red flags, these are just a few to consider! As you read Dead Flowers for Hollywood, see if you pick up on any signs that Amanda Sue missed. What might you have done differently in the same situations? It is easy to judge unless you were right there in her shoes.
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A very special thank you to everyone who offered their personal input for this post. You are all fabulous. See you soon for more on writing and life!
Mary Anne Benedetto,
Author & Speaker
Visit Mary Anne's website at http://www.awriterspresence.com for links to all purchase formats.